


Falsehood

by embolalia



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/F, canon character death, ladies having sex, references to torture and rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 23:35:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embolalia/pseuds/embolalia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first secret Helena Magdalene Cain ever keeps, or the first secret that matters anyway, is what happened to Lucy. / Until she reaches Canceron, it’s never occurred to Gina to lie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falsehood

The first secret Helena Magdalene Cain ever keeps, or the first secret that matters anyway, is what happened to Lucy. No one asks her; everyone assumes the Cylons killed Lucy along with their parents. Young Helena doesn’t have the words for the truth: she was too scared, she was too weak, she couldn’t stand and face them beside her sister. It’s a dark, twisted secret, one that haunts her dreams at night and builds a wall to keep out the rest of the world. Still she guards it tightly. No one ever seems to see the darkness of her soul.  
  


*

Until she reaches Canceron, it’s never occurred to Gina to lie. There were untruths scattered through the history Cavil gave her, but she had no concept of what it meant to be among people who couldn’t see the pattern of her thoughts.  
  
In a cafe a man asks her, “What do you want?”  
  
Gina stares at him, marveling. She could tell him anything and he’d take it for the truth. She asks for coffee, though she prefers tea. She keeps the rest of what she wants in the newfound privacy of her own mind: more than anything, she longs to be known.  
  


*

  
Helena sleeps with women and men periodically, people she meets in dark bars while on leave. Sex is a physical need, and she addresses it without shame or secrecy or any undue sentiment.  
  
She has no words for what she wants from the new mechanic, though. Sex, certainly - she flushes with heat thinking of it - but there’s a flip in her stomach when Gina smiles that she can’t remember feeling before, a look in Gina’s eyes like they’ve never been strangers. Helena finds herself waiting, breathless, filled with nameless emotion. It’s the most terrifying secret she’s ever kept.  
  


*

The human worlds were swirling chaos, but the order on Pegasus eases Gina’s mind. She has her role to play: she installs the virus in every system.  
  
But when their shifts end, the humans take up things she never heard about on the baseship. There are card games, bawdy jokes, the slow burn of good ambrosia. Gina loses herself there, and they laugh with her, drink with her. For those hours she buries all she was taught about the evils of humanity, and when Helena invites her in, kisses her with searing hunger, Gina parts her lips and kisses back.  
  


*

One night Helena has her old nightmare. Gina wakes her, eyes wide and confused. Helena shakes her head, clearing away Lucy’s screams, the sharp taste of adrenaline.  
  
“What was that?” Gina asks breathlessly.  
  
Helena’s secret makes it all the way to the tip of her tongue before she catches it. Her own eyes are wide now. It’s never occurred to her until this moment, but she could tell Gina everything. “A nightmare,” she says hoarsely.  
  
Gina runs gentle fingers through her hair, and Helena stares at her, overwhelmed. Other words come unbidden to her lips, and she smiles in surprise.  
  


*

Their first weeks together are a revelation. Her brothers and sisters taught her about pleasure, but Gina’s never known the wonder of drawing close to someone entirely separate from herself. Helena reaches to touch her and Gina holds her breath in anticipation and awe.  
  
“I love you,” Helena says softly one night, her face and breasts still flushed from orgasm.  
  
Gina nods. It’s as if the word is suddenly given meaning.  _Love._  “I’ve never been in love before,” she says by way of an answer. She thinks Helena might not believe her, but then her lover smiles.  
  
“Neither have I.”  
  


*

Helena steps into the engineering alcove, smiling, and the world explodes around them. Alarms blare, frantic announcements ring out about nuclear attacks, and for a moment her childhood fear freezes her in place.  _The Cylons are coming._  
  
Gina reaches out, terror in her eyes, and grabs Helena’s hand.  
  
“I didn’t save my sister,” Helena gasps. “I didn’t protect her, and the Cylons took her - it was all my fault.” She holds her breath, waiting for judgment.  
  
Gina kisses her hard. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers against Helena’s lips.  
  
Something breaks, or vanishes - or heals. Helena bursts into motion.  
  


*

Gina races through the halls. She knows their plan: isolate auxiliary systems first. She nearly crashes into another Six as she turns a corner.  
  
“Sister-,” the Cylon greets her.  
  
“No,” Gina interrupts. “We have to stop this. During the first war - you can’t make war on children and expect them to ever do anything but hate and fear you. We have to -”  
  
“Don’t worry,” Six cuts her off, confusion crossing her perfect face at the fact of their disagreement. “We aren’t going to leave any children alive.”  
  
Gina stares at her, panting, then shoots her in the head.  
  


*

Kendra accuses Gina and Helena’s rage rises so fast only her iron control keeps her from attacking the young officer. Then Kendra shows them a woman who could be Gina’s twin, lying dead in a hallway.  
  
It’s worse. Far worse than knowing her weakness had led to Lucy’s death. Now she’s betrayed not only her sister’s memory but her crew, her Fleet, entire Colonies in need of protection. Pegasus jolts under the force of another barrage, and she snarls, “ _Get that thing out of here!_ ”  
  
“Helena!” Gina begs as the Marines jerk her roughly toward the hatch.  
  
Cain turns away.  
  


*

Locked in a cell as the attacks play out, Gina finds herself making apologies for Helena. _She lived through such trauma. She felt betrayed by Gina’s very real lies. She just needs to hear the truth and she’ll understand._  
  
Then they jump away, and the abuse begins: torture, assault, excruciating violation. In between she’s left, shackled, on the icy steel floor.  
  
Once she turns and Helena is watching. In the clench of her jaw, the horror in her eyes, Gina still sees love. It’s then that she understands the evil of humans. She looks away. She no longer regrets anything.  
  


*

Cain won’t let herself be distracted by love, not ever again. She kills Belzen, point blank, because she’s learned what happens when you mistake opponents for friends. She’s never been a believer, but this feels like penance: she will sacrifice anything that’s left of herself in the name of vengeance. Every day she makes herself observe the Cylon’s interrogation, and begs the Gods to harden her heart.  
  
Kendra brings her a tape one day. It shows Gina killing the other Cylon. Cain watches it twelve times, holding her breath, then destroys it. It’s far too late for either of them.  
  


*

Gina waits in Helena’s quarters, the gun cold in her hand. She wants to look Helena in the eyes one more time before she dies. As she waits, she pages through the ship’s log, running her fingers over the lines of Helena’s compact handwriting. On the final half-filled page, she reads:  _Dr. Baltar is attending the Cylon in detention. He shows some signs of making progress with it._  
  
For a long time Gina stares at the last word, until her vision blurs with tears.  _It._  
  
When Helena returns her eyes are dry, and the gun is warm in her grip.  
  


*

  
At first it feels like another nightmare. Gina is standing her quarters, bruises and cuts covering her skin, a gun held level in her hands. But Cain is awake, and in this moment of softness, of pardoning Bill Adama and his men, her enemy has found her one last time. “Frak you,” Cain snarls, feeling nothing but anger.  
  
But Gina’s voice shakes as she answers, and it undoes even that last lie. There’s something buried beneath the anger that brings tears to their eyes.  
  
 _If only I’d been brave enough to save Lucy,_  Helena thinks in an instant.  _Lucy and--_  
  


*

  
Gaius promises that she’ll be safe, that she’ll recover. Gina knows it’s not true, but nods anyway. She goes along for as long as she can stand, until the humans she lives among come to her with the biggest lie of all: that humans can start anew, peaceful and happy and fresh.  
  
Only she knows the truth. It’s more than not deserving it; they’re not capable of it. The evil they’re running from is in their own hearts.  
  
Gina lets herself remember the lies she whispered to Helena - and the lies Helena murmured back - and presses the button.

  
***


End file.
